


tell me

by tenderybitch (FictitiousFanatisch)



Series: ten things i hate about you [3]
Category: NCT (Band), SuperM (Korea Band), WayV (Band)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Canon Compliant, Confessions, Cuddling, Dom/sub Undertones, Drama, Fluff and Smut, Hand Jobs, Idols, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Jealousy, Light Angst, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mentioned WayV Ensemble, Porn With Plot, Shower Sex, Tea spilling, Tendery, and ten is toxic, but also hendery is crazy, but what's new, for once, hendery being dominant, inaccurate dorm setup, johnten, literally bananas, take over the moon era, tencas (mentioned)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-10
Updated: 2020-02-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:55:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22642201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FictitiousFanatisch/pseuds/tenderybitch
Summary: The other members don’t see this side of him - in fact, it’s quite possible that no one else in the world sees Ten like this.russian trans ☽ ⁺ . ⋆
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Suh Youngho | Johnny, Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Wong Kun Hang | Hendery, Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas
Series: ten things i hate about you [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1604263
Comments: 24
Kudos: 139





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING for emotional manipulation, toxic relationships and unhealthy obsessions ahead.
> 
> lmao so i guess this is a series now ! i don't even know how this happened, all i know is that i couldn't leave little hendery so sad. i tried to show the other members noticing his internal struggle and even gave him a way to express himself a bit but tbh this dude just doesn't want to help himself. like, seriously he's so stubborn and obsessive and irrational and overly emotional like the libra sun he is-- haha just kidding! love y'all...
> 
> (smut is in ch 2)

**_October 2019_ **

Yesterday, Ten blew off their coffee date to hang out with Xuxi. This wouldn’t usually be a problem for Kunhang, except that the two of them seem to be hanging out quite often these days. They’ve always been relatively close, but ever since SuperM promotions started, its rare Ten is ever seen without the other nearby.

Normally, Kunhang wouldn’t consider himself a jealous person. Jealousy is the most embarrassing kind of fear, and he’s lived long enough to know that fears are irrational. But Ten brings out an abnormal side of him, a side characterized by shameful thoughts and disruptive feelings-- where emotion rules logic and nothing goes unconsidered. 

When they both leave early for a SuperM schedule and don’t return until late at night, when Ten sits next to Xuxi during live streams or at dinner, or when Xuxi disappears into Ten’s room an hour before bedtime, that dark side of him rears its ugly head, his mind overflowing with the wildest considerations. It’s safe to say Kunhang is bothered by Ten and Xuxi’s friendship, but he wouldn’t go as far to coin it jealousy. Ten’s just been spending a lot of time with him, and that means he’s spending even less time with Kunhang. And he _knows_ how silly it is to be jealous of Xuxi, of all people, but he’s never been in control of his emotions. In fact, they most often control him.

Like right now, when Ten is sitting in the corner of the practice room, his left arm slung over Xuxi’s broad shoulders. They’re talking about something in hushed voices and giggling against each other like children. He thinks they’re looking at something on Ten’s phone and knowing them both, he’s probably not missing much. But he would be lying if he said the sight doesn’t make his gut clench. 

The feeling quickly travels to his chest and evolves into an unexplainable sadness. It might reflect the fact that he and Ten aren’t really close around the other members anymore. They both agreed being too touchy or talkative in public settings could raise suspicion about the true nature of their… friendship. 

And yeah, he knows he shouldn’t care, that he overthinks and spends way too much time analyzing everything Ten does, what he says, and who he spends time with. Kunhang knows he ought to focus on more important things like, learning this choreography, but that same dark cloud keeps telling him to look over in their direction. 

He can’t explain it, and he’s not proud of it, but this twisted part of him likes the pain. 

It’s familiar. It’s safe. He’s just not as special to Ten as Ten is to him. And watching him with Xuxi is the perfect reminder that he doesn’t need Kunhang to be happy.

Eventually their choreographer returns with the formations, so they both stand and wander back to the center of the room. He tries not to make it too obvious that he’s watching them for the rest of the rehearsal. 

Kunhang won’t act like his feelings for Ten aren’t playing a huge role in his rapidly deteriorating mental health. It’s actually the main reason he feels so terrible all the time, but the moment he admits it to himself is the moment he really falls apart.

He’s been having trouble sleeping at night, barely ever feels like eating, and would honestly rather catch up on sleep during the daytime after practice than hang out with the members or participate in live streams. His personal trainer told him he’s losing weight-- which isn’t good-- and anyone who has seen him can understand why. He’s just been feeling generally tired, stressed and unmotivated, and it's getting harder and harder to pull himself out of bed for schedules. 

He feels guilty when people worry about him, when the members ask him if he’s okay, so he tries his best not to show what he feels on his face. He tries to stay upbeat despite the typhoon of thoughts swirling in his head. He’ll consider himself successful if he manages to keep all this from the others, but he can already feel himself slipping.

Dejun and Yangyang are always the first to notice. 

Kunhang was still awake when Yangyang got up to use the bathroom at like, four in the morning. Then the younger confronts him in the kitchen the next day, telling Kunhang he saw his light on when he got up. He asks him why he was up so late, and rather than to formulate an excuse or use humor to dismiss the question, he tells Yangyang that he just couldn’t sleep. Yangyang asks if it’s a recurring problem and Kunhang nods, because there’s no reason to lie. While he may not seem it on the surface, Yangyang is very caring and mature. He straightforwardly proposes he tell Kun or their manager, because it could become a serious problem in the future. And Kunhang agrees, because it’s already a serious problem, although he might sit on his suggestion for a few weeks before actually doing anything about it. He genuinely appreciates his concern. He’s mostly just relieved it was him and not Kun. 

Then there’s Dejun. Dejun’s methods are definitely… different. 

“What’s wrong with you?” he asks the next day as he stands, tossing his game controller on the bed. Kunhang frowns, not only taken aback by his bluntness but because he was almost certain they were playing another round. 

“What do you mean?” he laughs awkwardly, because it feels like the thing he should do.

“You’ve been acting weird all week. Especially in practice the other day.” Dejun folds his arms across his chest.

Kunhang curses himself internally. He didn’t think anyone would notice that. 

“I’ve just been feeling off. Like, tired and stuff. It’s not a big deal,” he tries. The last thing he wants is to confirm the older’s suspicions. 

“Dude, we’re like, all tired. There’s absolutely nothing on your mind?” Dejun raises his eyebrows, skeptical.

Kunhang pauses for a long minute. It’s not like he doesn’t want to talk about the one thing that’s been bothering him for months. He would love to be able to speak openly about everything and get an outside opinion, but he’s scared. His relationship with Ten is a very sensitive issue and if anyone outside of their circle found out, their careers could be at risk. That’s not to say he doesn’t trust Dejun, but sometimes just not knowing something can prevent a world of trouble. 

“Nothing that has to do with Ten?” the older mumbles.

Kunhang thinks the boy already knows way too much for his own good. He sighs, weighing his options.

“If I tell you, you have to promise not to say anything to anyone else. Like, seriously. Nobody else can know,” Kunhang says, holding his pinky out. 

Dejun smirks, like if what he’s about to say is really that serious he wouldn’t have chosen to seal it with a pinky promise. Nevertheless, he hooks his pinky around his.

“I promise,” he rolls his eyes.

“Okay,” Kunhang inhales, trying to mentally prepare himself for what he’s about to do. What is he even going to say? Where should he even begin? 

Dejun takes a seat next to him on the bed, like he knows this might take a while.

“So…,” he starts, bracing himself. “You know I like Ten,” 

Dejun nods.

“Well, things have been kind of bad lately. For me, anyway,”

“What does that mean?” the older frowns.

“It means… so, we’ve been like, you know… hooking up and… stuff,”

“Fucking hell,” Dejun interjects.

“Well, the proper term is friends with benefits,”

“But doesn’t he have a boyfriend?”

Kunhang regrets this already. Not because Dejun’s reaction isn’t something he would have expected, but because when he’s alone in his thoughts or even with Ten, he forgets how crazy the details of this situation are. Only when they’re all strung together like pieces of an intricate puzzle does he realize just how messy it is.

“He does. Which sucks, a lot. I don’t know much, but Ten’s obviously not happy if he’s being unfaithful, so,”

“Happy or not, cheating is a dick move,”

“I know… and I’m not proud of contributing to that, but I guess I’m not as strong of a person as I thought,” he mumbles, running a hand through his hair. He realized how fucked up this all was before, but now it feels ten times worse. 

“That’s not true. You’re not thinking straight because you like him. And if he’s willing, the last thing you would do is turn him down,” Dejun reasons. He’s not wrong, and hearing it from an outsider is definitely comforting.

“Exactly. And that doesn’t make it right, but it is a valid point. Anyway, I’ve been feeling really trapped by this whole situation because… I’m too scared to tell Ten how I feel. The fact that he’s in a relationship is really intimidating, you know? Like, who am I to suggest he break up with the man he loves for me? But then I just keep thinking, if he likes me enough to be my friend with benefits, is there a chance that he might love me?"

“There is. And there’s also a chance Ten doesn’t love his boyfriend anymore, and that that's the whole reason this is happening in the first place,”

“But then… what if Ten is using me for revenge or to send a message?”

“He could only send a message if his partner knew he was cheating. Does he know?”

“I don’t know. I mean, there was this one time his boyfriend video called him when we were sharing a hotel room and he asked me to leave,”

“Wow. That's kind of fucked up,”

“Yeah, I guess. But that would disprove the theory that he’s using me for revenge or something, right?”

“Maybe. Unless he just didn’t want you there to like, hear their conversation or whatever,” 

“That's true. I don’t know,”

“How did you get yourself into this mess? I mean, no offense, and I have nothing against Ten, but he seems... unstable if he’s willing to do all this without a care as to how it’s impacting you or his relationship. He ought to just end it,”

“Yeah,” Kunhang exhales. “Unstable is kind of… my type,” 

Dejun laughs loudly at that. “Me too,” he admits.

It feels so good to get this off his chest. So good in fact that he hasn’t even begun to contemplate the potential repercussions of this conversation.

“Not to assume you want my advice, but I think you should tell him how you feel. We’re all in this group together and it would be bad if you guys ended up fighting or like, falling out over this. Sometimes honesty is the best policy,”

“I was really hoping you wouldn’t say that” Kunhang groans, covering his face with his hands. It always sucks when someone else tells you what you already know.

“Don’t be stupid. If it’s bothering you this much that I can tell… you should do something about it. And you know, to find out the answers to all your riveting questions. You never know until you try,”

“You’re just full of wisdom today aren’t you?” 

“I’m always full of wisdom,”

His conversation with Dejun must have mentally exhausted him because when the sun sets, Kunhang can feel his arms weighing heavy at his sides. He showers, brushes his teeth and crawls into bed at a decent hour for the first night in weeks. It’s progress that he doesn’t feel his thoughts running rampant when he closes his eyes. He exhales all the stress from the day, the uncertainty of his situation, and the anxiety about what he knows he must do. 

He’s on his back, arms folded over his chest and drifting in and out of consciousness when his door creaks open. He doesn’t notice the presence in his room at first, sleep coming over him like a thick fog and muting his senses. But then he feels the mattress dip and his eyes flicker open, entire body torn from rest as a dark, shadowy figure comes into focus. 

“What are you doing?” Kunhang startles, his heart arresting in his chest. 

Ten smiles at him sheepishly, his teeth pressing against his bottom lip. He shucks his coat off of his shoulders and drops it onto the floor, then kneels onto the mattress. He doesn’t verbally reply, just hums softly as he crawls closer to Kunhang’s stiff form. 

“You scared me,” Kunhang mutters. The older man slips one arm over his waist, buries his face in the cotton of his hoodie, and presses his nose against his stomach. 

Ten must not be interested in talking, considering he’s left his last two statements unacknowledged. So Kunhang just rests his hand on the back of Ten’s head, threading his fingers in his hair. It’s soft, despite all the bleach and dye it's endured over the years. He runs his thumb behind Ten’s ear, scratching lightly at his roots. 

Ten purrs against him, sliding his hand up under the hem of his hoodie. His fingertips are like icicles and he flinches when they make contact with his skin. 

“Aish, your hands are freezing,” he complains. 

“Sorry,” he finally speaks, exhaling softly, “I just got back,” 

Kunhang frowns, his heart clenching at the sound of his voice. Although he’s the second oldest in the unit, in Kunhang’s opinion, Ten is the cutest member. His personality is larger than life in the daytime, on stage, and during practices, but like this, he’s just Ten. He is pure and uninhibited by his environment, other people, or even the pressures of the industry. He’s soft and sweet in a way he would never be in front of anyone else, and he thinks it's such a contrast to the way he was when Kunhang first met him, or even the first time he snuck into his room all those months ago.

“Back from where?” he wonders.

Ten smooths his hand up his side to lay against his ribs, turning his head from side to side to get more comfortable and he’s just so cute, Kunhang thinks he might have a heart attack. 

“The dorm,” he slurs. Kunhang just plays with his hair, watching the way his back rises and falls as he breathes. He quickly realizes what Ten said doesn’t make any sense.

“We’re _at_ the dorm,” he says.

“The other dorm. 127 dorm,” he mumbles.

Realization washes over him then. Ten had mentioned he was going over there earlier today, but Kunhang was much too concerned with the fact that he blew off their coffee date _again_ to hang out with other members to make a mental note of it. It’s not that he takes personal offense from it, but it’s been a while since they spent some quality time together. He supposes this might make up for it, though.

Ten sits up slightly, his features pressing into a frown. 

“This is _my_ hoodie,” he says, sliding his hand out from under the fabric. 

Kunhang laughs softly, “You gave it to me, remember?”

Ten pauses, nods slowly as the memory comes back. He lowers his weight once more, tucking his head against his chest now. 

“Does it smell like me?” Ten wonders after a long beat of silence. 

“Barely,” Kunhang scoffs, because he can’t have the older man thinking he sleeps in his clothes because he likes to have his scent engulfing him as he drifts out of consciousness- that is, when he can even sleep. 

But the truth is, he was delighted when Ten gave him one of his favorite sweaters because it meant his warm, sweet, yet still masculine scent was all over it. The expensive cologne he wears, the one he bought in Malaysia, and the vanilla shampoo he uses - it’s exactly how Ten smells now, except there's something else lingering beneath his skin, thrumming in his veins. 

“Are you drunk?” Kunhang asks, stupidly, because he should’ve known the minute Ten tripped into his bed uninvited to cuddle.

“Maybe,” he mumbles, “Why?”

“You’re acting like it, that’s why,” 

“Not really,” Ten huffs. 

“You’re drinking on weeknights now. Is this a cry for help?”

“Shut up,” the older says in Chinese, smiling before whispering an almost inaudible, “...probably,”

“Uh-oh,” Kunhang sings, moving his hand down to caress the back of Ten’s neck. “You want to talk about it?” 

Ten exhales long and low, fisting his hand in the material of Kunhang’s sweater.

“Yeah,” he eventually says, his voice small, “But I don’t think I should,”

“Why?”

Ten just shrugs, a gesture Kunhang could've easily missed had he not been staring at him intently. He tries to imagine something Ten wouldn’t want to tell him, and he almost gets a headache when confronted with the possibilities. Ten’s not a secretive person per say - but he is very careful when he expresses himself.

“It’s okay. We’re friends. You know you can tell me,” Kunhang tries, when the older remains silent. 

Ten hums in affirmation, tracing slow circles against his chest. He wishes the contact soothed him.

“Ten,” he whines, annoyed. 

The older peers up at him. He still doesn’t speak.

“Tell me,”

He doesn’t know whether he should be worried that it’s taking him so long to say what’s on his mind. A part of Kunhang wants to let it go, but he knows Ten well enough to know if he doesn’t press him out it will get swept under the rug for months before it resurfaces again.

Ten sighs heavily. He’s stalling.

“... he doesn’t love me anymore,” 

It’s nothing more than a whisper, but Kunhang can feel the emotion in his voice. Although it’s not exactly the one anyone would expect. He doesn’t seem shattered or like he’s moments from bursting into tears. He seems calm, and while the alcohol may be a contributing factor, he seems well beyond a moment of shock, anger or sadness. 

Kunhang soothes his palm across Ten’s shoulders. He also knows him well enough to know that what he exudes on the outside is not necessarily representative of what he feels inside. 

“What makes you say that?” he asks, because he himself can’t understand how someone could ever stop loving Ten. 

“Well, we’re all usually busy, so we barely get to see each other. We usually don’t have the time, but even now that we do he still doesn’t want to see me. It’s honestly like pulling teeth to make plans with him and whenever we are together he seems so distant and distracted, like he’d rather be doing anything else. We talk, but he doesn’t touch me or show any kind of affection like, ever,” Ten speaks in this rushed way, like he’s trying to get it all out before he loses the nerve. Kunhang just listens, rubbing his back through his shirt, trying to ease the tension from his muscles. 

“I think he’s outgrown me,”

He can’t act like he doesn’t hate hearing Ten talk about his lover, but it’s bittersweet because he loves that the older man trusts him enough to come to him in times of need - when he’s vulnerable. The other members don’t see this side of him - in fact, it’s quite possible that no one else in the world sees Ten like this. 

He loves this man so much and he can’t bear to see him in pain like this. Kunhang doesn’t care that he has to hide how he really feels, doesn’t mind that his sleep was disturbed or that all this is going to make him feel like shit tomorrow. Ten is his best friend, the one person in all the world he would give everything up for. 

“Do you still love him?” Kunhang asks, considering his conversation with Dejun. He must know if any part of their theory is true. 

He hesitates, his voice muffled in Kunhang’s hoodie when he eventually says,

“I don’t know. I think for so long... I couldn’t see myself with anyone but him. But now...”

Ten exhales, his entire body relaxing into his, like he’s finally releasing all his baggage. And that’s all he ever wanted - to make Ten feel a little lighter, a little better.

“Now what?” 

The older snuggles in closer, tucking his head against Kunhang’s neck. His hand moves on its own, curling under the hem of Ten’s shirt to rest on the small of his back. Ten visibly melts.

“... now… I have you,”

And Kunhang can’t take this. When Ten says stuff like that, it makes his heart pound in his chest, his stomach flutter with nerves and his mind whir with crazy ideas. It’s moments like this that make him rethink every desolate conclusion he’s come to about this situation, that make Dejun’s words rational. Maybe there is a chance Ten could love him. It would make all of this make sense. 

But Kunhang doesn’t want to jump to conclusions. He doesn’t want to confuse his own interests with theoreticals. He doesn’t want to assume Ten meant anything significant by saying that - he’s drunk and half asleep and might not even recall any of this tomorrow. 

(Kunhang has to consider everything. He’s been hurt so much.)

But by the time he’s ready to risk it all and confess, he realizes Ten’s eyes are closed and his breaths have evened out. He’s definitely asleep and he curses himself at another perfect opportunity lost. 

  
  


The next day when Kunhang wakes up, Ten is gone. 

He briefly wonders if he was ever there at all.

“You’re being so annoying right now,”

Dejun’s jaw drops, like he has no clue what Kunhang could even be talking about. 

“How?” he folds his arms, leaning back against the kitchen counter. 

“Because. You can’t just say, _‘nevermind’_ once you say you have to tell me something. That’s like, the one rule,”

“That’s not a rule. It’s just me changing my mind. I’m allowed to do that,” he argues.

“No, you’re not. ‘Cause now I’m going to have to spend the rest of the day trying to figure out what you were going to say instead of doing other more productive things and as my friend you shouldn’t put me through that,”

“What a load of bullshit,” Dejun laughs, because of course Kunhang’s perpetual torment is amusing to him.

After Kunhang confided in him his troubles with their fellow bandmate a part of him has come to sincerely regret it. While it felt good to get everything out in the open with someone he knew he could trust, Dejun has taken every single opportunity to tease him about his crush on Ten, to make crude jokes and gestures or raise his perfectly arched eyebrows suggestively during dance practice. 

“Have you ever thought that maybe you would be better off _not_ knowing whatever I was going to say?”

“Yeah, but I still want to _know_ what I would be better off not knowing,”

“You’re a masochist,”

“I thought we knew this already. I’m literally in love with the most unstable member of this group,”

“Yikes. Didn't know you were so self-aware,”

“I am. And I’ve been through a lot, so please don’t add to my suffering and just say it. I’m literally going crazy,”

Dejun rolls his eyes, looking totally unimpressed by his dramatism. But eventually he nods. 

“Kun-ge told me something crazy about your favorite boy,” 

“Oh God. What did you have to do to get information out of him?” Kunhang smirks.

“That’s not important. Anyway, he has a lot of tea about the members from _way_ back. Even stuff from like, the Rookie days,”

“Oh shit. I didn’t think he was the type to gossip,”

“Of course not. You’re seriously sleeping on Kun-ge,”

Dejun looks over his shoulder once just to make sure no one else has entered the kitchen before he continues. Kunhang leans in, his blood humming in nervous anticipation.

“So, he told me that back when Xuxi first debuted in NCT U, they basically threw members who weren’t in Dream or 127 in a separate dorm together, so that means it was Kun-ge, Jungwoo-hyung, Ten and Xuxi,”

“Okay,” Kunhang already knew this. Ten told him a while ago.

“He said that they were like… inseparable. And that they wouldn’t go anywhere or do anything without the other. And they were flirting and touching each other real sus like, and Kun said he got suspicious about it, but didn’t think it was his business to ask either one of them what was up. But then...”

Kunhang frowns, already not liking where this is going.

“One time, he woke up in the middle of the night at like 3 or 4 and realized Xuxi, his roommate, was gone. He got up to pee, and when he was on his way back to his room, he kept hearing some weird noises coming from the living room. He walked over there and saw the two of them - Ten and Xuxi, like… on the couch… together. And Kun-ge wouldn’t say what they were doing exactly… bless his heart, but that he saw enough to turn on his heel, go back to bed and pretend it never happened,”

“Okay, so… he saw Xuxi and Ten in the living room together. How is that ‘crazy gossip’?”

“You’re so stupid,” Dejun sighs, rubbing his forehead.

“How? You’re terrible at storytelling,” Kunhang protests.

“Do I really need to spell this shit out?”

Kunhang nods slowly. 

“They were hooking up!” he whisper-shouts.

Kunhang scoffs. “How do _you_ know? Did Kun say that?”

“Of course not. Kun-ge would never say that, but from the way he was telling it, just how uncomfortable he seemed, and the fact that he never spoke a word of it to anyone until now tells me that must have been what he saw,”

“I don’t know… I feel like Kun-ge is easily shocked. And that was so long ago, like two years almost - he probably doesn’t even remember what he saw,”

“Okay, but does it really matter what he saw?

“Uh, yes, it does. They could’ve just been cuddling or hugging it out or something, like bros, and Kun got it messed up and is spreading false information about his poor bandmates. How unprofessional,”

“What? Like, _who_ is hugging it out at 3 in the morning?! And yeah, that would be unprofessional. Kun would not have told me if he wasn’t a hundred percent sure. He would never spread lies about them, so it must be true,” 

“I don’t know,” Kunhang mutters, running a hand through his hair as he contemplates the information he’s just been told. 

It’s not impossible - nothing is impossible, but more than anything in the world right now he just needs this story to be fake. Please let it be a prank or a joke or another one of Dejun’s cruel attempts to tease him. 

Not only does it make him uncomfortable to know that Ten has ... done stuff with their close friend and fellow bandmate, but it also aches deep in his stomach when he realizes it's Xuxi - the one Ten hangs out with all the time, spends so much extra time with for SuperM promotions, and he’s going on a tour with in a few weeks. If what Kun said is true, Kunhang really doesn’t like the idea of Ten and Xuxi together. If he disapproved of their friendship before he absolutely hates it now. 

“That doesn’t make it true,”

“So you’re calling him a liar?”

“No, I’m calling _you_ a liar,” Kunhang clarifies.

“Whatever. You don’t have to believe me. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you,”

At first Kunhang wasn’t sure why- if Dejun knows how he feels -he would tell him this, but he soon realizes it was to protect him. He told Kunhang so that if anything happens between Ten and Xuxi again, he won’t get his heart broken. But to be honest, just knowing the truth is enough to break his heart. 

He thinks about it for the rest of the day, about how similar their situations are. He and Xuxi were born in the same year, speak the same language and have shared the same man. They were both shiny new toys and Ten played with them as he saw fit. Despite his jealousy, he always liked Xuxi, but maybe they have more in common than he thought. 

He thinks about how shitty it is that Ten didn’t tell him - that his best friend, the man he loves and who claims to love him, kept this a secret. Ten sees him every day, smiles in his face and then crawls into his bed at night and fucks with his head. Is he doing that with other members too? Kunhang can’t help but wonder why Ten didn’t say anything about him and Xuxi. If it was something that happened a while ago, why wouldn’t he just tell him?

The question eats and eats and eats away at him until Kunhang realizes the most likely answer. It’s the same reason Ten doesn’t want him in the room when he talks to his boyfriend on the phone, the same reason he doesn’t want the other members to know that they’re friends with benefits -- because he doesn’t want his carefully compartmentalized worlds to collide. He knows someone, or everyone, will get hurt in the end, so he keeps all three of them in these little boxes that don’t touch and he makes sure they stay ignorant enough not to question his methods. Or worse- question each other. 

And it’s truly sick, Kunhang realizes. It’s so sick his chest starts to ache and he feels short of breath. 

Ten is not the person he thought he was. Is this what he does? Is he a player? Does he run around manipulating people to feel powerful? Does he take advantage of his younger, more impressionable members because they’re an easy target? Does he know what he’s doing is wrong, or does he think this behavior is perfectly normal? 

For all he knows, Ten is still hooking up with Xuxi. It’s not unlikely, but it would really suck because then all of Kunhang’s fears about the two of them would be completely rational. 

Kunhang has never felt more stupid in his entire life than right now, realizing that he’s fallen into Ten’s trap. He thought they could use each other to feel a little less lonely, a little less frustrated and that nothing would go wrong. He thought Ten saw something in him, something different and unique and special out of all the others. Silly Kunhang thought he was the only one to catch his eye, the only one Ten went to in times of need. 

But Ten’s a liar, a traitor; he speaks like an angel, perfect and pure and worthy of praise. Kunhang never thought to question him. But he’s really a fire breathing devil, a sick, twisted demon from the deepest depths of hell.


	2. Chapter 2

Kunhang is not going to pretend he hasn’t been avoiding Ten. He wants to be ahead of the curve before this whole thing comes crashing down, so he tries his best to fade into the background, hides amongst the chaos of their album preparations, hangs back with Kun and Dejun to go over the choreography ad nauseum while the others go for lunch, and slips off to his room an hour earlier than usual every night. It helps that Ten is double-timing with SuperM responsibilities. It’s only been a couple days, but he wonders if the older has noticed. 

Probably not.

Kunhang hates himself for thinking about him all the time. It hasn't even been a week, but he already misses Ten’s warm presence filling the space beside him. He’s trying to train himself against these thoughts, to replace them with brutal detestations of Ten’s character and mental state, but it’s difficult. He feels like he’s being torn in two - his head telling him not to love Ten, not to miss him, to long for him or seek him out at night, but his heart is aching and it’s almost unbearable. He’s weak and can’t help but play the memories of him, of those nights over and over in his mind until he’s burying his face into his pillow and screaming because he’s so, so stupid for loving this man. 

The worst part about all of this is that now that he knows and has considered all of Dejun’s theories, he can’t ignore the way Ten and Xuxi are hanging all over each other during practice. Xuxi has always been touchy and he’s always reaching out for Ten, grabbing Ten’s thighs or sliding his abnormally large palm over the small of his back to get his attention. By far the worst thing is when Xuxi calls him ‘Babe’ and Ten immediately scurries over to where he is, like a pet dog. It makes Kunhang see red, but of course he can’t say anything. He’s supposed to be ignoring Ten. He’s not even supposed to care, but he does and it makes him even more frustrated that there’s nothing he can do about it. 

Kunhang’s quickly realizing that there’s nothing he can do about any of this.

  
  
  


It’s been a week since he’s spoken to Ten, which is actually quite an accomplishment considering they see each other five days of the seven. Kunhang is starting to panic because he definitely saw the older eyeing him during the album photoshoot and he almost comes up to them when they’re filming for the WayV-log. 

On the way home, he makes sure to secure a spot in a different car so he doesn’t have to worry about Ten sitting next to him. Kunhang knows it’s only a matter of time before Ten corners him, but he’ll buy time whenever he can.

He’s definitely not prepared - mentally or emotionally for that. He doesn’t know what to say. Kunhang doesn’t really know what he wants. He likes the idea of Ten worrying about him, sad and confused that his best friend doesn’t make his usual effort to be near him. But he also wishes Ten would just ignore him and move on, keep the intricate cogs of his life, responsibilities and relationships turning and leave him behind. It would be better for everyone involved. 

But Kunhang doesn’t know if he can end it. He doesn’t know if he’s strong enough to say no. He doesn’t want to be Ten’s toy anymore, not now that he knows he’s not the first member Ten’s done this with. Not when what he thought was a new and exciting experiment turned out to be a reckless pattern of misbehavior. The thought of sleeping with Ten again is a conflicting one; while he obviously still has feelings for him, he doesn’t think he could bear the humiliation. He would feel so desperate and pathetic, and not to mention the impact on his mental health—

He has to get out of this situation one way or another, but it might take awhile. The best plan he could come up with is to keep his distance, because when he’s with Ten, all rational thoughts flee his mind. 

He thinks he can do it. He’s come this far.

  
  
  


Kunhang’s plan quickly fails after dinner.

Just as he’s gathering some clothes to take with him to the bathroom, he hears Ten and Xuxi return to the dorm after a late tour rehearsal. While they’re talking to Kun in the living room, it dawns on Kunhang that they’ll probably want to shower after rehearsing with SuperM all evening. Kunhang always showers before bed, but there’s only two bathrooms in the dorm. 

He quickly grabs his clothes and walks toward the bedroom door. He curls one hand around the doorframe and pokes his head past the entryway, peering up and down the hall to make sure Ten isn’t there. When he sees that the coast is clear, he darts across the hall to the nearest bathroom. 

He sighs in relief when he makes it, wiping the nonexistent sweat from his forehead. _That was a close one_. He places his clothes on the counter and turns to close the door when a hand smacks against the wood, effectively stopping him.

“Annyeong, chingu,” 

Kunhang curses internally as Ten pushes his way into the bathroom, tossing a pair of clean clothes next to his. 

“Mind if we shower together? You know, conserve water and all that,” the older hums, already stripping off his top.

Kunhang wants to either say fuck the shower and leave or bang his head against the nearest wall, but he manages to keep the inner turmoil from showing on his face.

“Didn’t know you were such an … environmentalist,”

“That’s a fancy word. Where’d you learn it?” he wonders, pushing his joggers down his legs and stepping out of them.

“I already knew it because I’m smart. _Way_ smarter than you,”

Ten tuts, “Perhaps. But I guess with a head that size your brain must be big, too,”

Kunhang pauses, “Why did that sound like a compliment?” 

“You’re disgusting,” Ten complains once he gets it.

Kunhang can’t help the small smile that flickers on his face. Although he wants to be mad at Ten, he can’t bring himself to say any of the things he thought about in private. It’s a terrifying thing - to not have control, that as soon as Ten opens his pretty mouth everything evaporates into thin air. 

He accepts that he’s not getting out of this one and starts undressing. He doesn’t miss the way Ten’s eyes scale the length of his body as he sheds his clothing. He tries not to focus on it, stepping past the older and reaching into the shower to turn the water on.

He doesn’t realize he is shaking until he reaches his hand out to check the temperature. 

He knows Ten has been watching him closely, analyzing him over the last few days and Kunhang _knows_ he’s going to say something. He considers his options, although he doesn’t have many left -

“Are you getting in or what?” Ten wonders, impatient. Kunhang throws him a glare. 

He grabs a washcloth from the towel rack and climbs in, the older following not far behind. He grabs Ten’s body wash out of habit, squeezes a decent amount of it onto the rag. Then he passes the bottle to Ten, not bothering to look in his direction. He makes quick work of spreading the soap along his body, lathering it up. He curls as close to the wall as possible and keeps his eyes fixed on the adjacent wall. He doesn’t think he can handle looking at him.

But then he feels Ten’s hands, warm and soft, sliding along his waist from behind. Before he can mentally prepare himself, Ten’s naked torso is flush against his back and his arms are coiling around him like venomous snakes, trapping him in his embrace. 

Kunhang stands there, frozen in place and unsure how to respond. He hates that his stomach flutters, that his heart rate spikes and the excitement that tingles on his nerve endings the moment Ten makes any sort of physical contact with him.

“What’s up?” Ten asks, his voice gentle against his ear. 

“Nothing,” he replies, stiffly. 

Ten smooths his palm over Kunhang’s stomach. He can probably _feel_ the tension buzzing under his skin.

“Are you sure?” 

Kunhang wishes he could pull away. He wishes he wasn’t paralyzed by the older’s affection, that he didn’t cherish every touch as if it were the last. 

“Yes,” he insists, closing his eyes when Ten’s careful hand runs up and down his tensed abdomen. 

Ten makes a soft sound of affirmation, although Kunhang knows the man is far from believing him.

“You’ve been avoiding me, though,” 

He curses internally, because _fuck_ , of all places, it’s so like Ten to confront him in the shower. It’s the most emasculating thing, Kunhang thinks, to have to answer his questions without a shred of decency to hide behind. 

“I haven’t,” he denies it, because what other option does he have? 

Ten hums.

“You don’t have to tell me why… if you don’t want to,” He traces his index finger over his hip bone. Kunhang swallows.

Ten then squeezes his arms even tighter around him, pressing his cheek to the back of his neck.

“I just miss you,”

Kunhang tries to ignore the way his heart clenches. He tries to remember why he’s hurt, why he’s angry and why all of this has to stop. He remembers what Dejun told him the other day - about Ten and Xuxi - and it’s almost enough to make him pull away. 

Kunhang doesn’t acknowledge the statement or return the touch and hopes that Ten will take the hint sooner rather than later. He doesn’t get any satisfaction out of doing this, but he knows in the long run he’ll be grateful he didn’t succumb. _This will be a small but mighty victory,_ he decides.

Ten suddenly reaches down and folds his hand around his soft dick. Kunhang’s eyes fall shut as the elder squeezes his gentle fingers around it, just feeling the weight of him in his palm. 

_Shit_. 

He’s definitely in trouble now. He wants to push Ten away, tell him no, but for some reason he can’t. He just _can’t_ _say no,_ not when they’ve been apart for a week, not when he’s spent every waking moment thinking about him, every night yearning for him. Kunhang can’t deny that he’s missed him, his voice, his body, his touch. He’s a slave for this and they both know it.

“I miss this part of you the most,” he tells him, rubbing his thumb up and down the shaft. His other hand runs over his abdomen, then slides back over his side to rest against his hip.

Kunhang hates that every nerve in his body is standing on end. He hates that he’s hanging on every word, every touch, every feeling that Ten creates. He inhales shakily when Ten opens his mouth against the side of his neck as he traces slow circles along the underside and it’s just too much. Kunhang can’t escape what’s happening; he doesn’t _want_ to. 

Ten moves his lips up toward his ear, dragging his rough palm down his length until it settles at the base. His tongue slips out to catch the water droplets against his skin and in that moment Kunhang finally allows himself to let go. He releases the tension in his muscles, the stern thoughts in his mind and just melts against the older man. 

He allows himself to enjoy what Ten does to him, the way he spreads through his body like a drug, intoxicating him, clouding his judgement. All of his complex thoughts and feelings are forgotten as arousal flickers in the back of his mind, curling hot and low in his belly. Ten tightens his knuckles around him, cupping his other hand around his jaw and using it to tilt his head toward the wall. It gives him more room to work when he reattaches his lips to Kunhang’s throat. 

It feels so good to be touched and kissed, for the man he loves to bathe him in attention. He can feel himself growing hard in Ten’s grasp, and he knows that this is bad, that it’s wrong and that they shouldn’t be doing this. He knows he’s going to hate himself for letting Ten touch him, especially when he knows it will cause him even more pain. 

“You’re so pretty, didi,” the older man says, in awe. And something hot stutters through his body, a feeling he can’t quite explain. It makes him want to fall on his knees right now, to submit. He wants Ten’s hands in his hair, or around his neck, or pressing dark, purplish bruises into the meat of his thighs. 

“I wanted to tell you today, but I didn’t get the chance,” 

Ten loops his thumb and forefinger around the head of his dick, squeezing gently before sliding back down to the base. It’s uncomfortable, honestly, with nothing but water to ease the glide. It’s a mockery of his arousal, being touched like this with no satisfaction, no promise of release. And the pressure building between his hips, the sensation of Ten’s hot mouth sucking behind his ear, and the desperation simmering in his veins is just too much to bear. 

“Ten,” he barely says. He hates to hear his own voice, shaking with need. 

“What do you want, baby?” Ten asks, gently biting on his jaw. Kunhang moans.

The question itself is overwhelming. There are so many things flashing through his mind, memories of the past and fantasies for the future. He thinks Ten could do just about anything to him and he would enjoy it. 

While every fiber of his being wants to submit, to whore himself out again for the elder’s enjoyment, the better, more rational side of him is still angry. He knows this could easily be Ten’s way of apologizing, although the older clearly doesn’t know what for. Ten using sex when he feels guilty or to apologize isn’t a new thing, and while it’s not healthy, Kunhang thinks he should take advantage of this opportunity. 

Kunhang can’t subdue this desire to punish Ten, to make him feel even worse about whatever it is he thinks he did to drive him away for a week. He knows he could never harm Ten in real life, so if this brings him any shred of satisfaction now, it’s worth it.

“Your mouth,” he answers, because Ten on his knees is the most satisfying thing he can imagine. 

Ten releases his hold, rests both hands on Kunhang’s hips and spins him so they’re face to face. He looks at Ten, his bare face, short, black hair matted against his forehead, his eyelashes collecting tiny droplets, and water rivulets streaming down his neck, his chest. Ten reads his mind and grips the back of his neck, tugging him forward and fitting their mouths together. 

And Kunhang knows this doesn’t make any sense. He knows kissing Ten, slipping his arms around his waist and pressing their naked torsos together goes against everything he’s told himself over the last few days. But right now, when Ten’s tongue is pushing at the seam of his lips, when he’s sliding a knee between his thighs to press against his erection, Kunhang succumbs to his affliction completely. He embraces how fucked up this is - how fucked up _they are_ , grabbing and devouring each other like animals. He kisses Ten hard, keyed up after a week of nothing.

Ten sucks a long, lingering kiss to his bottom lip before pulling away. He feels down his body until he finds Kunhang’s hands, holding them as he sinks to his knees. 

And then Ten is kneeling on the shower floor, staring those wide, trusting eyes up at him. Kunhang is overwhelmed at the scene alone, of Ten, his senior, his idol, completely at his mercy, willing and open and prepared to give him everything. It’s a pleasant contrast to the role Ten usually takes and the thought of the older degrading himself for his pleasure sends a rush of blood south. 

“Tell me what to do,” Ten instructs, because he’s still the oldest, the most experienced. And he knows Kunhang gets too wrapped up in his thoughts to actually do anything.

“You need me to tell you?” he teases.

Ten gives him an annoyed look. “I _want_ you to tell me what to do,”

Kunhang smiles, cupping Ten’s face. His thumb runs back and forth along his cheekbone. Ten’s eyes flutter shut.

“Go slow, but don’t tease. And don’t use your hands. I just want your mouth,” he says, unsure. He’s never really been in the dominant position before, but the older seems to understand as he locks his hands together at the base of his spine and moves in, eye level with his groin.

Ten plants a chaste kiss on the jut of his hip. His lips fall open, sucking the skin into his mouth. He drags those warm, wet kisses across his pelvis, eyes flickering up to meet his every so often. Kunhang has no patience, but he knows by now not to rush Ten. 

Ten nips at his other hipbone with his teeth, then laves over the spot with his tongue. His mouth moves toward the base of his dick now, dropping feather light kisses along the way. Kunhang remembers then that he’s the one in charge, and that not only can he tell Ten what to do, but he can touch him too. 

His hand finds the back of Ten’s head, tugging him forward so those kisses land on his dick. He inhales sharply as Ten’s plush bottom lip drags over the side of his shaft, those eyes peeking upwards to steal his reaction. 

It’s wrong, but it feels so good, so _right_ to have Ten’s lips on him. Kunhang is so hard and he can feel the need buzzing in his fingertips, the sick desperation filling in his chest. This feeling is enough to turn him from everything he knows, from everything that would keep him sane. And when the older leans in and opens his mouth, slowly guiding the swollen head past his lips, Kunhang’s eyes fall shut and he submits. 

Ten takes him deeper and deeper until he brushes the back of his throat. Then he leans back, licking his lips, savoring the taste. He rubs his tongue along the underside, flicking it into the sensitive slit before taking him back down again. Pleasure blooms behind his naval, burning long and hot and flaring every time Ten sucks him back down. _He’s so fucking good at this_ , Kunhang stupidly thinks, _surely_ _the best in the world_. 

Ten starts a rhythm, bobbing his head on his dick. He keeps his lips tight around the girth, creating a vice-like grip as he slides along the flat of his tongue. He’s not able to take the whole length - never has been, but something hot settles in Kunhang’s stomach and he wants to see his entirety hidden behind Ten’s perfect lips. 

Kunhang applies pressure to the back of Ten’s head as he sinks on his dick. When he’s taken all he can and Kunhang keeps pushing, the older glances up at him. 

“Take it. All the way,” he commands. Ten inhales sharply through his nose. He hesitates for a moment, then he slackens his jaw and presses forward. Kunhang watches the mental battle on his face. It’s not an easy feat, but Ten doesn’t give up. 

He slides his fingers through the short hairs at the back of Ten’s head, holding him close as he struggles, breathing hard through his nose. Whatever concerns he would usually have for Ten are blunted by how good it feels to be totally engulfed in his mouth. 

Kunhang can’t help the moan he releases when Ten finally succeeds, nose flush against his sparse pubic hair. And Ten’s always been a fast learner, so Kunhang really shouldn’t be impressed when he pulls off completely, gazing up at him pointedly before parting his lips and swallowing him all the way down. 

Both hands find Ten’s hair now, gripping tightly as he deepthroats him. He works up to the same, excruciating rhythm as before, this time the combination of the warm, wet space enveloping him, Ten’s throat bulging around him, and the determined look on his face has Kunhang’s heart pounding in his chest, his thighs shaking and his gut coiling tight. He tilts his head back, so blinded by the haze of pleasure that his hips lurch forward on their own. 

Ten gags, retreating.

“Sorry,” he winces. Ten waves him off. 

“It’s fine. Fuck my mouth, baby,” he encourages, already moving back in. 

“Are you sure?” Kunhang shivers. He takes a moment to appreciate Ten- his eyes fluttering in anticipation, brows furrowed, perfect lips pursed around the swollen tip as he nods. 

The older takes Kunhang deeper and he rolls his hips forward once, tentatively, holding Ten’s head as he guides his hot, heavy length down the narrow passage of his throat. He goes slow, fearful of choking the elder. But Ten doesn’t seem to have any complaints, eyes slipping shut as Kunhang gradually works up to a faster pace. 

And Kunhang is having such a hard time hating Ten like this - when his sole focus is him, when every move he makes is for his pleasure only. He’s incredible, Kunhang thinks. He’s beautiful and incredible and so hard to be mad at. 

_This isn’t about being mad_. 

This isn’t just about Ten doing something silly that pissed him off so he can apologize with a blow job and they can move on like nothing ever happened. It runs so much deeper than a week of silence. It’s about months of silence, months of pain, torment, lies and bad intentions. It’s about Ten using him for sex while he’s in a relationship, claiming he’s the only one when he wasn’t, all while maintaining that they are best friends and that he loves him. 

It’s about how rather than talking through it, they immediately resort to meaningless sex because it’s easier. It’s about how Kunhang is so brainwashed by his feelings for Ten that he can’t see how sick and twisted he is, how he orchestrated this whole thing with no thought of how it could affect him and the other members. 

Kunhang rolls his hips in earnest now. He lets his frustration drive the force of his thrusts, using Ten’s hot mouth like a glory hole, like he’s not even there. Kunhang drags him on and off his length by his hair like a ragdoll and the older lets him do it. He just takes it, eyes clenched against the falling water, breathing hard through his nose, spit collecting in the corners of his mouth as Kunhang fucks his face over and over again. 

“Your mouth, Ten. _Fuck_ ,” he stammers out, overwhelmed. 

Ten’s mouth is heaven sent. He knows what he’s doing, tightening his lips around him each time he slides out and hollowing his cheeks out to provide more suction. And Kunhang thrusts harder and faster, each time forcing his cock as far down Ten’s throat as it will go before pulling almost all the way out, leaving just the end between Ten’s lips before feeding it back in. It feels so good, pleasure licking at the corners of his mind, weakening his knees and he has to bite down on his bottom lip so he doesn’t moan out loud.

And seeing Ten like this — water dribbling down his cheeks, pink lips pulled taut around his cock, hands clasped obediently at his lower back — does something to Kunhang. He’s unsure whether to stare down at the visual or let his eyes roll back in ecstacy. 

By far, the best part is Ten’s dick, laying fat and flushed against his belly. He’s so turned on and probably so desperate for some attention. Kunhang thinks he might enjoy denying Ten, holding some power over him after months of being his slave. He would like to hear Ten begging him for a change, to touch him, to make him cum. 

Kunhang could get addicted to the feeling boiling in his core, this urge to be rough and cruel, to take and to dominate. He wants to learn how to do it, and be confident enough to push Ten to his limits. He wants to hurt Ten a little, take his anger out on him, control his pleasure and take it away if he doesn’t deserve it. It’s so fucked up. They’re so fucked up. 

_‘_ _I’m me and you’re you. What more could you possibly want?'_ Kunhang knows deep down he wouldn’t have it any other way. No one else gets him like Ten, no one else can make him feel like this. Every thrust brings him closer to insanity. Kunhang knows he’s approaching his orgasm when the feeling in his stomach expands, traveling up his spine. 

He fucks Ten’s throat a couple more times before pulling him off, the thick head connected to Ten’s bottom lip with a string of saliva. 

“I’m close. How do you want me to..?” Kunhang asks, his words hurried. 

Ten doesn’t look present, his eyes glassy and unfocused, face flushed, lips swollen and slick. He peers up and Kunhang feels something crumble inside him. 

“Whatever you want,” he says, mouth slack, waiting. 

Kunhang takes that as permission to come in his mouth, so he fits his cock back between Ten’s lips, picking up the pace again. It’s only another minute or so before the heat curling in his abdomen bursts and blooms. 

He looks at Ten and the older is already staring back, drinking in his twisted expression and that’s all it takes to send Kunhang over the edge. He digs his blunt nails into Ten’s crown, pulling him forward until his nose is flush against his belly and he comes, thick, hot ropes down his throat. He can feel the older straining against him, trying not to trip his gag reflex. 

Ten swallows once, then twice, his timing impeccable. He doesn’t gag or cough as Kunhang pulls him off, but he looks so out of it. It's beautiful. Ten unclasps his hands, but Kunhang doesn’t give him any time to catch his breath before grabbing his elbow and tugging him to his feet.

His knees are pale from being on the floor for so long and Kunhang resists the impulse to crouch himself down and massage his hands into them until the blood recirculates. Instead, he wraps his deft fingers around Ten’s swollen erection and curls one hand around Ten’s jaw, so the older is trapped against him. He exhales hotly against Kunhang’s cheek, desperation swimming in his gaze. 

Kunhang kisses him hard as he starts stroking him at the same agonizing, unsatisfying pace Ten used on him before. He whines against him and it echoes throughout the bathroom, much too loud for a dorm full of WayV members. 

“Fucking hell. And you say _I’m_ loud. You probably want them to know what’s going on in here. You want them to know what I’m doing to you, don’t you?” he just lets his mouth run, not giving much thought to the words that escape him. Ten digs his nails into the flesh of Kunhang’s side, bucking into his fist.

“You whore. You dirty, unfaithful slut,” he switches to Chinese, because he wouldn’t even begin to know those kinds of words in English and he doesn’t really want Ten to understand him. 

Kunhang presses the pad of his thumb against the underside, dragging it roughly over the red tip until he feels a tiny blot of precome forming on the slit. Ten gasps.

“‘Can’t even go a week without sex,” he mutters, attaching his lips to the older’s neck. 

He thinks Ten understands that, because he replies a meek, almost inaudible, “ _No_ ,”

“Do you get on your knees for everyone, then? I bet you do,” 

Ten stares at him dumbly as Kunhang jerks him off, his brow creasing in confusion. He twists Ten’s nipple until he whimpers.

“No,” he blurts. 

“Really?” Kunhang tuts, “None of the other members make you feel like this?”

Ten shakes his head quickly, arching as the younger twists his wrist around the base before curving up toward the end.

“Really? Not even Xuxi?” Kunhang pushes, his knuckles tightening under the head.

The older shakes his head. 

“You’re a liar,” he mutters, “A filthy fucking liar,” 

He yanks Ten forward by his hair, pushing their lips together. He can taste himself when he licks into Ten’s willing mouth, still lingering fresh on his tongue like he never left. 

He’s not sure what, but something must snap in Ten’s mind then because with no warning, he cums, hard, moaning into Kunhang’s open mouth. His release bubbles over his fist, body trembling in what Kunhang doesn’t know is pleasure or shame. Kunhang is surprised - he’s barely touched him. He works Ten through it, his hand moving in careful strokes until he recoils, overstimulated.

Ten comes down gently, lowering his head against Kunhang’s shoulder. He takes him in, sliding his other hand onto the small of his back. Ten's body is warm and soft, engulfing him like a cloud. It’s a strong contrast to his own gaunt collarbones, angular hips and wiry fingers. They might balance each other out in this weird, unspoken way.

And Kunhang can’t help the desire he still feels for Ten, even after everything, all these months, despite knowing he’s no good, and no matter how many times the older has fucked him over, told him he loved him and then left him alone. In spite of it all, Kunhang still wants him.

He doesn’t know what he did in his past life to deserve to fall in love with someone like this. Kunhang wishes he wasn’t attracted to dangerous people, that he could just love someone who was kind and fair and simple. Someone who wouldn’t put him through numerous trials to prove his loyalty and give him none of it in return. 

But there's no one like Ten. No one could give him the same rush, the same intense high of risking it all and going against everything he knows. No one could top their story.

Ten is the one, and it's scary, because even if Kunhang really wanted to move on, could he? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's time for some confessionssss. imma try to get the last part out by tens bday! but we shall see...


	3. Chapter 3

Ten pulls away at some point, grabs the soap again and uses the wash cloth to clear away any remaining bodily fluids from the both of them. They rinse quickly, then Kunhang reaches out to shut the now lukewarm water off. 

He’s so conflicted about everything that just went down. If he thought he was being dragged in two different directions before, he’s severed down the middle now. 

What was he thinking? Could he find a way to be happy without Ten? Could he _really_ move on when they see each other almost every day? He could barely go a week without losing it. Maybe he should ignore what Dejun told him and forget his stupid plan. He shouldn’t let unconfirmed rumors destroy something that makes him happy. 

But the thing is, he’s not happy. Kunhang knows he’s settling for friends with benefits because it’s closer to what he wants than just being his friend, but what’s the point of sex with the person you love if they don’t love you back? That’s just torture. 

Maybe he thinks too much. He ought to just enjoy what Ten is giving him because the older doesn’t have to involve him at all. Why is he being so greedy? But can he ignore every fear in his chest, smother his feelings and let things continue as they are? What if Ten is just using him? 

Can Kunhang even trust Ten? Ten hid a sexual relationship with another one of their members from him. What else is he hiding? Does Kunhang really know this person who claims to be his best friend? 

His head is spinning with these questions and the worst part is - they’re all valid. There’s no side of the argument that sticks out more than another. But it would be so easy to ignore all of it and fall back into Ten’s sweet enticement. It’s what he’s been doing for so long. 

Kunhang steps out of the shower first, grabbing each of them a towel. He hands Ten one before working the other through his hair, over his shoulders and down his torso, before wrapping it around his waist. He’s unsure what to say, so he goes over to the sink and busies himself with his skincare routine.

Kunhang knows now is the time to tell him. Now is the perfect moment to take Dejun’s advice and explain to Ten how he really feels. But every dream he’s ever had about confessing always turns into a nightmare.

He’s admired Ten for years, much longer than he’s actually known him and he can’t stomach the thought of his precious fantasy crumbling. He would rather keep his intense feelings to himself and have something to hold onto, than expose himself and be left with nothing. Kunhang cannot take that risk; certainly not now that his mind is plagued with doubts. 

Ten towels himself down, taking a hesitant step toward the younger. He can feel Ten’s eyes burning holes into the back of his head. His confused reflection approaches Kunhang slowly, reaching beside him to grab his clothes from off the counter. 

And then they get ready for bed silently, tugging their pajamas on, brushing their teeth side by side. As Ten washes his face, he can feel the tension between them. He wants to say something, anything. Kunhang’s mind is a carousel of conversation topics, but he can’t seriously think about anything except how frustrated he is. He sighs. 

“You’re upset,” Ten suddenly speaks. 

Kunhang is torn between relief and dread. He watches Ten’s reflection as he turns and pats his face dry on the towel behind him.

“Why?” the older casually asks, glancing at him.

“I thought I didn’t have to tell you,” he wonders. 

“You still don’t,” Ten informs him, dumping their dirty clothes in the hamper. “I just thought I’d ask,”

“Because you’re curious, or because you think it’s what you’re supposed to do?”

“Why would you say that? Obviously because I care.”

“It’s not obvious,” Kunhang mutters. He almost wishes he hadn’t said it or at least that Ten didn’t hear it. Because the genuinely confused expression on his face makes Kunhang feel like the biggest asshole in the world.

“What does that mean?” Ten stops, turning his whole body toward him. 

And the sheer ignorance in his face, the completely oblivious look in his eye tells Kunhang he has no clue what he could’ve said or done to make him feel that way. He genuinely has no idea. And this is exactly what Kunhang was afraid of - expressing his stupid, one sided feelings and expecting Ten to understand.

Kunhang hates it. He hates making things difficult for other people. He likes being the quiet, dependable friend that Ten comes to for advice or to vent. He hates talking about his own feelings because they’re so ridiculously intense for no reason. So he bottles them up because it’s just easier to pretend to be fine than to involve other people. He’s spent many years trying to fade into the background so as not to cause problems. 

But Ten doesn’t know that. He never bothered to ask. The older man is much too concerned with his own life, career moves, his hobbies, and his relationship. Meanwhile Kunhang is suffering in silence and is just too thoughtful to inflict his problems onto other people. And after months of it, he is so exhausted, frustrated, and disappointed. 

Kunhang can’t shake the desire to make him feel pain. He’s fed up with Ten for putting him through this. He doesn’t deserve to be treated like this, doesn’t deserve to feel like this and the toxic cocktail has his blood boiling in his veins, his jaw clenching and his hands balling into fists at his sides. Before he can stop himself, his mouth is moving -

“It’s just not,” he says firmly, “I don’t know what you care about,”

Ten looks hurt. “What?” 

Kunhang really wants to leave the bathroom right now and take all of his stupid, unnecessary emotions with him. He knows he’s about to fuck this up, for himself, for Ten, for the group, possibly for the company and the fans. They’re not supposed to fight. They’re not supposed to express their true feelings. They’re just supposed to smile and wave, get along even when they’re falling apart and he can’t bear another minute of it. He can already feel the damn breaking, wearing thin against the reservoir of feelings he’s tried so hard to suppress.

“I just can’t trust that you care about me like I care about you. You’re not a very loyal or trustworthy person anyway,” Kunhang says, trying to keep his voice low so the others don’t hear them.

“And how do you figure that?” Ten squints.

“Are you serious?” he can’t help but laugh, “You cheated on your partner for months. You tell me you care about me and that I’m your ‘best friend’, but you only ever come to me for sex. You tell me you love me, but you never notice when I’m having a tough time. And on top of that, you lie about being with another member, right to my face. Your words don’t mean a damn thing because your actions show something completely different,” 

“What are you talking about? It takes two to cheat, you know, and I don’t recall you having any issues about it a few minutes ago. And I only come to you for sex because you don’t respond to anything else. You’ve been avoiding me this whole week and the one time I reach out, I have to throw myself at you to get your attention. I didn’t want to like, crowd you when you obviously needed space,” 

“When have I ever needed space from you, Ten?” He can feel the anger throbbing in his chest. “Didn’t that tell you something was wrong?”

“It did. Which is why I just asked you what was wrong. And you could tell me, but instead you start a fight,”

“This is what’s wrong. I want to trust you, but I can’t. It hurts me so much and I feel like you don’t even care,” his voice breaks. 

“Okay,” Ten’s voice drops, “But we wouldn’t be having this conversation if I didn’t care. So it’s something else,”

Kunhang can feel himself losing the battle. The pain swells in his resolve until it’s all he feels, all he is, all he knows. 

“You told me I was the only one,” he can’t even look Ten in the eye. 

“Because you are. There’s nobody else,” Ten says, gentle.

“But you slept with Xuxi—“

“That- that was almost a year ago,” 

“But why didn’t you just tell me? I really have to be the last one to know about it? We’re all in the same group and I feel so stupid when I see the two of you together. And if you had just told me then I wouldn’t feel like that,” 

The older man sighs, “There’s nothing going on with me and him. Okay? That only lasted for like a week, anyway. I didn’t think the whole fucking dorm would be gossiping about it like school girls. And I didn’t think you would want to know about … other people I’ve been with. I mean, we barely ever talked about Johnny hyung. I don’t know, I just figured it was irrelevant,”

Kunhang thought he was losing the battle before, but he’s just now realizing he already lost. He lost a long time ago, because there’s only one reason Ten would keep that information from him. 

“Why did you think I wouldn’t want to know?” He inhales slowly.

Ten’s eyes narrow, like he knows it’s a trap. 

“I don’t know, I —“

“Yes you do,” he cuts Ten off, because he really can’t bring himself to sit through anymore of his bullshit excuses. “You _know_. You’ve known this whole time. And you didn’t say shit about it. You didn’t care. You used me because it was convenient for you. My feelings were convenient for you,” 

“ _No_. It’s not true, Kunhang,” 

“You don’t care about me… you don’t give a fuck,” Kunhang stammers, his brain moving much faster than his mouth can produce words. 

The realization leaves him winded. In that moment everything catches up to him - all the months of repressing his feelings, lying to the others, making Yangyang and Dejun worry, pretending to be fine in the face of the group, the fans, Ten, and everyone else. Kunhang can feel himself breaking down.

Before he can do anything to stop it, tears are welling in his eyes and spilling quickly down his cheeks. He hates crying in front of people. The fact that it’s Ten makes this so much worse.

“All those times you said you loved me… you knew. And you led me on. Why did you do that? If you were really my friend you wouldn’t have done that,” he sobs, covering his face with his hand. 

Kunhang can’t believe Ten could do this to him. All this time, he already knew how he felt. That means he knew he was causing him pain. He knew, but he did it anyway. He touched him, held him and kissed him anyway, like his feelings weren’t a factor, like they didn’t even matter. Knowing that hurts so much more than he ever thought it would.

The more he thinks about it, the more it hurts and the harder he cries. He’s crying over Ten. It’s humiliating, but maybe if Ten sees how much it hurts Kunhang to love him, he’ll understand. Maybe he’ll feel sorry. 

But then Kunhang thinks - if Ten could lead him on for months and cheat on his ex without feeling guilty, maybe he just isn’t human.

“And even now,” he blubbers, “... you’re speechless because you know it’s true,” 

“I’m not speechless,” Ten whispers. 

Kunhang just cries. He hates the look on Ten’s face, the guilt and discomfort creasing his brow. The older man shifts awkwardly, unsure what to do. He eventually reaches across the bathroom counter, grabbing some tissues from the box and offering them to him. Kunhang takes them slowly.

“I just … I wanted you to finish saying what you needed to,” Ten clears his throat, uncomfortable. “Um, so... are you finished?” 

Kunhang frowns. He wipes his eyes and tosses the tissues into the bin. He doesn’t know, but he nods anyway. 

“Okay, then. Let’s get out of here,” he says, reaching past him to get the door. Ten grips him by the wrist, tugs him out of the bathroom and leads him down the hall to his bedroom. Kunhang awkwardly moves to the center of the room, eyes fixed on the floor as Ten shuts the door behind them. 

“If Kun finds out I made you cry, I’ll never hear the end of it,” Ten jokes, his voice breathier than usual. Neither of them laugh - the atmosphere is so tense and Kunhang can’t stand it. He feels so bad for causing all of this, for making Ten look like that. 

The older turns, hesitating. 

“Are you okay?” he asks first, taking a cautious step toward him. 

“I’m fine,” Kunhang forces.

“Okay. That’s good,” 

Kunhang sniffles, eyeing the older warily as he walks past him toward his bed. Ten sits at the end of it, a faraway look in his eye. 

“I guess… I should probably like, explain some stuff,” he starts, a nervous hand passing through his hair, “Is that alright?”

Kunhang shrugs, nods. He’s got nothing else to lose.

“Okay. I’m sorry for making you feel bad. And like, you can’t trust me. I understand why you feel that way, and I’m not gonna argue or try to defend myself,” he inhales. 

“I remember the first time we met, the first time I ever saw you in the company building. I still remember what you were wearing. I was thinking, ‘ _wow, SM really did it this time. He is the prettiest boy I’ve ever seen_.’ But the funny thing is, you were looking at _me_ like you were thinking the same thing. I knew from that moment you were going to make things … difficult for me. But then I got to know you, and I remember thinking, ‘ _damn it, he’s pretty, he’s funny_ ’— and then after finding out you had no other dancing or performing experience and you learned everything from scratch, I thought- ‘ _and he’s a genius too_ ’. 

“I was in a bad place when we met. I had started doubting myself and thought it was my fault I wasn’t getting the same opportunities as the other members. I mean, I sat on the sidelines and watched my boyfriend, all of my fellow trainees and friends put out albums, win awards, and go on tours. I watched them achieve the things I always dreamed of, the things I know I am more than capable of. They just left me in the dust and like, what was it all for? 

“I don’t know if it is going to make sense to you, but you really helped me with that. I used to feel like shit about my situation and if it weren't for our friendship, I probably would still feel like I was wasting my career. Because you always said that I inspired you, so that means I must have been doing something right.

“I remember feeling strangely connected to you before I even really knew you. In practice, you would always make the funniest comments. Like, it was almost always something I was thinking too. Or we would just say the same thing at the same time. You would ask me for help on dances and I always played it cool but I was secretly really happy because I wanted an excuse to spend time with you. Then you used your own time to help me learn Chinese. You practiced with me every day until I felt confident. Then I got addicted to your donkey laugh, so I tried to make you do it all the time. And I always think about those scenes from the variety show we kept having to re-film because the two of us couldn’t focus. 

“I never had to think with you. I never made the conscious choice to be close to you. You made things so easy, like breathing. Everyone likes me, but very few people love me. Aside from my sister, I never really had a best friend when I was young. It’s a long story I won’t bore you with, but even when I got into the company, it felt like everyone had someone except for me. Johnny filled that void for a while, but … something bad happened to us. And I can’t help feeling like it was my fault. Because I’ve ruined so many friendships in my past. I slept around with people I didn’t need to and I jumped into relationships that I thought would help fix me and fill the void. 

“Johnny hyung was familiar; he was familiar and comfortable and safe. And even though things had changed for me when I met you, and things had… changed for him too, for some reason I still couldn’t bring myself to end it. I had to admit some things to myself, first. And I was terrified that if we broke up, I would be alone again. At that point I really didn’t think you felt that way about me. But even now that we’ve ended it, and I know, I feel like giving up my friendship with you and starting a new relationship would be the wrong decision to make. 

“It doesn’t matter how I feel about you. It doesn’t matter what I want. I don’t think I could ever forgive myself if I let this turn into what it was with John. He and I were a lot like you and me, in the beginning. We trained together, ate and slept together, and I’ll always love him, but things will never be the way they were before. And I just keep thinking, what if I ruined our relationship like I ruined that? Or worse, what if I lost you? I’m scared- and I know it sounds like a big excuse-but I’m so scared to fuck this up. You’re everything to me,”

“Why are you doing this? Please, just admit you don’t love me so I can move on,” Kunhang begs, his voice thin. This is unbearable.

“I’m never going to say that to you,” Ten scoffs, “It would be a damn lie,”

“You’re lying now. You don’t care. You wouldn’t have done this if you loved me,”

“But I do love you. I know I dragged you into my mess, that I was unfaithful, and how bad that probably makes me look. I know I’m hard to read, and that I gave you mixed signals and made you feel led on. I know it doesn’t make any sense and that I’m toxic and selfish and stupid. I always have been, and I guess I focused on fulfilling my own needs for a friend and neglected your desire for a boyfriend. I see that now, but please stop saying that I don’t care about you. You’re literally the only thing I care about.”

“But I’m not a ‘thing’, Ten. I’m a person with feelings. We haven’t been just friends for a long time,” Kunhang argues.

“Obviously friends with benefits, but that doesn’t make you any less my friend,”

“That’s not the point. How long have you known?”

Ten looks away, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m so stupid, man. I really didn’t know. Not for sure until now. Like, I had a feeling that maybe you wanted more in like, the summer. When we were in Beijing, maybe? – I don’t know,”

“That was so long ago,” Kunhang complains.

“It wasn’t even three months ago. You’re acting like this is all my fault. You didn’t say a damn word either. You were fine until now, but you’re trying to make it seem like I wanted to hurt you,”

“I wasn’t fine. And I never said it was all your fault, but I just don’t think I can forgive you for sitting on that for months because the situation was comfortable for you. Not when it was at my expense.”

Ten is quiet for a long minute. He sighs. “If so, then there’s nothing more for me to say,”

It’s not the response Kunhang is expecting. “I guess not,” he murmurs. 

He wants to believe Ten. Kunhang doesn’t think he’s ever wanted anything more than to just shut his brain off and fall into the words of this incredible man. He would be a fool to question him, to persist in skepticism after an extensive explanation. 

Ten isn’t even asking for his forgiveness. He isn’t asking Kunhang to pardon his behavior - he already knows he was wrong. And Kunhang can’t hate someone like that - who willingly admits to their mistakes and apologizes, who can talk openly without getting offended or shutting down. He thinks Ten is so much more mature and intelligent than he gives himself credit for. He’s so much better than him. Kunhang didn’t think Ten could get any closer to perfection. His heart, mind and body are aching to be one with him again.

But he’s still angry. He’s so angry with Ten right now, but it’s not because the older man led him on for months or slept with another member. Kunhang’s angry because-

 _what if Ten is telling the truth_? 

What if he spent months feeling like shit and thinking that his love was unrequited when all along Ten was secretly pining for him too? What if Dejun was right - what if Ten really does love him? What if both of them are silly fools in love, holding onto what is, at the expense of what could be? Kunhang is angry that the man led him to believe so many things that weren’t true for the sake of protecting himself. But he feels just as angry with himself for doing the same thing. They wasted so much time feeling bad and it was all for nothing. 

Despite every urge to turn around and leave, he can’t bring himself to do it. He doesn’t really care that Ten is selfish and self preserving. They both are. Kunhang hid how he felt for over a year in order to protect himself. He is just as guilty for blowing up at Ten and blaming him for something that he did to himself. 

In the end, he knows if he walked away right now and could no longer laugh with Ten, hold him, kiss him or sleep next to him at night, he really would be driven to insanity. Whatever pain the man may have caused Kunhang is nothing compared to the pain of not having him in his life at all. The last week was just a taste of that and every moment was agony.

Kunhang realized that this was unconditional love a long time ago - a feeling persistent in pain, jealousy, distance, and miscommunication. He thinks if Ten asked him to help bury a body, he would without a second thought. Ten is his night and day and everything in between. He can't imagine a life without him.

He’s angry, but if this man really loves him, does anything else matter?

“So … why are you still here?” the man wonders.

Kunhang has no idea. 

He finally sits beside Ten on the mattress, a heavy sigh leaving his body.

“Because,” he begins, not sure what he’s even going to say.

“I got hurt, yeah, but it was kind of my fault. I was comfortable hiding my feelings from you. I knew what I was getting into, and I didn’t do or say anything about it until now. We’re similar. Everybody likes me- that is, until they find out who I really am. I’m disappointing. I’ve disappointed everyone who’s ever showed interest in me. And so I have this thing where I fall in love with somebody way out of my league and tell myself they’ll never love me back. And that torture helps me cope with the fact that I'll probably die alone. And I don’t know, I got stuck in a loop of feeling sorry for myself. But I enjoyed what we were doing just as much as you did, so it wouldn’t be right to blame all of this on you,” 

Ten looks at him, unsure. 

“I never asked you how you felt, and I jumped to conclusions instead of just asking you like a normal person. We’re both fucked up for cheating on your boyfriend. We’re both toxic for not saying what we felt and then acting like it was the other’s fault for not knowing. We’re both equally stupid and selfish. We’re humans. But I guess we must care about each other, otherwise we wouldn’t have made such a mess of this,” 

“You don’t have to say that,”

“True, I don’t. But I did, so it must count for something,”

Ten smiles. 

“You’re not disappointing. If anything, you exceeded my expectations. I don’t deserve you,” he says. He means it.

“Yes you do. You deserve much better than me,”

Ten looks at him, and Kunhang can tell he’s trying his best to conceptualize how much he must feel for him. How after all of this, he can still choose to stay by his side.

“I don’t want you to ignore how you feel because you’re afraid of losing me. You’re allowed to be upset. You probably should take some time away from me to think over everything,” he says.

“If that’s what you want,” 

Ten huffs, “But what do you want?”

Kunhang wishes he hadn’t asked him that, because now he’s going to have to tell him. There’s no turning back now.

“I just want to be with you. Always. Like, if you were happier in your last relationship, I would’ve stayed by your side. If you didn’t love me back, I still would’ve been your friend. If you just want to be friends, I respect your decision. If in a few months or years you meet someone else who makes you happy, I would support you. I want you to be happy,”

“But why? You wouldn’t be happy. And that’s no way to live,” 

“Because I love you. You’ve given me more than enough reasons to live,”

“Oh God. I feel like you’ve been rehearsing that,” 

“Maybe I have,” he smirks, nudging him with his elbow. 

“You don’t want to be with me, Kunhang. I’m never happy. And I would drive you crazy and you would end up hating me for the rest of our lives,”

“It’s a little too late for that, isn’t it?”

“Don’t make jokes. This is serious,”

“Then stop saying silly things. I could never hate you,”

“That sounds like a challenge,”

“Who’s making jokes now?”

And then Ten is smiling all bright like he does, and Kunhang is so relieved he thinks he could cry again. This has been the most exhausting night of his life, but the enormous weight has been lifted and finally, he's free. 

“So…?” He wonders after a long beat of silence. Ten stares at him for a moment before realizing what he's asking. 

“I don’t know. I mean, I want to be with you, but isn’t that like, a huge risk? Because what if we date for a little while, and then we break up and it causes problems for the group? What if I hurt you again? I’m kind of really bad at relationships and stuff. I’m a terrible friend, so you know I’ll be a shitty boyfriend. And you get jealous really easily, which could lead to a lot of fighting. We can’t fuck this up, our friendship or otherwise. I can’t lose my best friend.”

“You’re not a terrible friend. If anything, that was me. I spent so much time in my head trying to be your boyfriend, but I didn’t value our actual friendship. I should’ve realized how important it was to you. I’m sorry. I should’ve just told you,” 

Ten hums, processing.

“Do you think you can forgive me?” he wonders, his voice soft and sincere. 

Kunhang sits up straighter to look at him. “Honestly, I forgave you a long time ago,”

Ten laughs in disbelief. “Wow,” 

And looking at him right now, how unguarded he is, makes Kunhang realize how ridiculous he’s been. The spectacular, intimidating, powerful and dangerous demon that tormented him for months has been reduced to his silly, loving, overly emotional, and socially awkward older brother, his bandmate that he gravitates toward so easily, that he talks to like he’s known for decades, that he can have unnecessarily deep conversations with or laugh with for hours without growing tired. He’s just Ten - there’s nothing dangerous or intimidating about him. 

Kunhang slides his hands onto Ten’s face, just holding him, looking at him. And this time, Ten looks back. He doesn't smile or shy away or make a joke to distract him of the intimacy of the moment. He seems content to sit like this for hours, days, if it would help him better understand the person in front of him. And thinking about how far they’ve come makes Kunhang feel so many things his head feels full. One hand moves to caress the back of Ten’s neck as he darts forward and catches his lips. 

Ten completely relaxes into him, his words, his mouth, his embrace. He is nothing but willing when Kunhang tilts his head to deepen the kiss. He can really feel every emotion Ten feels, burning in his fingertips, and he kisses and kisses Ten because he needs to communicate the love he cannot verbally express, the feelings he’s still too scared to divulge, those surrounding life and death and forever. 

Ten kisses like the very first time, with this air of nervousness, like he's worried he might fuck this whole thing up. And Kunhang just focuses on feeling him, his warm skin beneath his fingertips and lips beneath his own. They kiss until they're breathless and trembling, until Kunhang's lips are swollen and red, and Ten's closing his fists in the fabric of his shirt and tugging his body flush against him. 

“Let's go to bed,” Ten finally says, breathing hard against his bottom lip. “We‘ll figure this shit out tomorrow,” 

Kunhang chuckles, but nods. He lets Ten pull him down onto the mattress. He rests his head on his stomach, pressing his cheek to the soft cotton of his t shirt. He curls his fingers around Ten’s waist, breathing in his warm scent. Ten runs his gentle fingers through his hair and Kunhang can’t help the overwhelming love blossoming in his chest for this man. He thinks it's the first time he’s really allowed himself to love Ten, to accept his fate and enjoy the intense feeling he inflicts upon him. 

It really doesn’t matter what happened between them. It doesn't matter that they hurt each other, that they miscommunicate and make mistakes. Hell, it doesn’t even matter whether Ten is in a relationship or single. He thinks in any version of their story, he would’ve found a way to lead the older man astray. Kunhang realizes now that he has just as much power over Ten as Ten has over him and that he will always find a way to steal the older man all for himself. 

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys it was all one big misunderstandingggg!! pisces x libra be wild lmAo  
> anywayyys Happy Birthday to our lord and savior, Ten! and thanks for reading this trainwreck lol

**Author's Note:**

> [twt](https://twitter.com/tenderybitch)


End file.
